Love, Loyalty and Laughter: Involving Your Chosen Family in Your Ceremony

How to Involve Your Chosen Family in Your Wedding Ceremony

Not all families are formed through blood or marriage. For many couples, especially those in LGBTQIA+ communities or anyone who has found love and support beyond the bounds of traditional family structures, chosen family is at the heart of their world.

These people lift you up, show up when it counts, and hold your hand through life’s big moments. It only makes sense to bring them into one of your most meaningful days: your wedding ceremony.

If you’re planning a wedding that reflects who you truly are, your ceremony is the perfect space to honour your chosen family in ways that feel personal, joyful and authentic. Here are some beautiful, heartfelt ideas for weaving your people into your celebration.

Honouring Love When Family Bonds Are Broken

For some couples, wedding planning can bring up painful emotions around estranged or no-contact relationships with family. Whether those ties were cut for reasons of safety, identity, trauma or simply growing apart, these absences are real—and deserve space and compassion.

If you’re navigating this kind of landscape, you’re not alone. You don’t have to apologise or justify your story to anyone. Your ceremony can become a powerful space to acknowledge what’s been lost while celebrating the people who truly support you.

Here are some gentle, grounding ways to approach this:

• Let your chosen family step in: Give ceremonial roles to those who have earned your trust and love. They can walk with you, stand beside you, speak for you. They are enough.
• Speak your truth, if you wish: Your celebrant can include quiet acknowledgements in the script, such as “surrounded by those who have chosen to be here in love and support”, without focusing on who is absent.
• Create symbolic moments of release or resilience: Some couples choose to light a candle for healing, write a private letter to release the past, or include a reading about chosen belonging.

This is your day. You deserve to feel safe, supported and celebrated, just as you are, with the family you’ve found.

As your celebrant, I will always advocate for your wishes and needs because you are the most important people on your ceremony day.

Rethinking Traditional Roles

Wedding traditions often come with specific roles, father of the bride, best man, maid of honour. But these don’t need to be followed to the letter. The magic of a celebrant-led ceremony is that you can reshape these traditions in ways that work for you.

For example:

• A lifelong friend might walk you down the aisle instead of a parent.
• Your non-binary sibling could be your “person of honour”.
• A community elder, drag parent, or mentor might be the one to offer a blessing or perform a reading.
• A tight-knit friend group might take on multiple roles together, sharing tasks or supporting you as a collective.

By putting meaning ahead of tradition, you give space for your true relationships to shine.

Ceremonial Moments for Chosen Family

There are so many beautiful and symbolic ways to include your chosen family in the ceremony itself:

Official Witnesses
When it comes to signing your marriage schedule or certificate, it’s a lovely gesture to ask someone from your chosen family to be your witness. This gives a formal weight to your connection and becomes a treasured part of the legal record.

Readings or Rituals
Invite your chosen people to read a favourite poem, share a personal blessing, or even take part in symbolic rituals like:

• A handfasting where they help tie the cords
• A unity candle where they light flames that join into one
• A circle ceremony where each person shares a word or memory

Storytelling
Your ceremony could include a short segment where a friend shares a heartfelt anecdote or a pivotal moment from your journey as a couple—something joyful, warm, and human.

Group Symbolism
If you have a core circle, perhaps a house-share, a support network, or an activist collective, you could include them all in a symbolic act of support. Imagine them forming a circle around you during a moment of quiet reflection, or each adding a thread to a woven blessing.

Writing Personal Vows to Your People

For many LGBTQIA+ couples and those who are estranged from their biological families, chosen family is not just important, it’s essential. It’s a source of safety, identity, and belonging.

Celebrating these relationships in your ceremony is an act of joy and power.

Think about including:

• Your drag mother or community mentor in a formal role
• Your step-siblings, foster carers or support workers in the script
• A carer, housemate, or close friend group in the processional or rituals
• A nod to your polycule or relationship network if you are non-monogamous

These are the people who know you fully and love you anyway; let them take centre stage with you.

Ideas for the Ceremony Space

How your ceremony looks and feels can be a visual nod to your chosen family too.

Seating
Reserve front-row seats for those people who have truly walked life with you, regardless of biological connection.

Photos or Objects
Add framed photos of people who can’t be there, or small keepsakes that carry meaning. A bracelet from a best friend, a charm from a late mentor, or a quote that reminds you of your community.

Script Mentions
Your celebrant can weave in personal mentions and acknowledgements, highlighting the role your chosen family has played in your journey.

Top Tips for Planning a Chosen-Family-Centred Wedding

• Start early: Talk to your celebrant as soon as possible about the people who matter most to you. We can help you find meaningful ways to include them.
• Communicate clearly: Let your photographer and venue team know who your key people are so they can be included and prioritised in the day’s flow.
• Gather them: Consider having a mini rehearsal or coffee the day before so your chosen family can meet and feel part of a shared celebration.

Your Wedding, Your People, Your Way

There’s no right or wrong way to plan a wedding, just your way. And when your ceremony is full of the people who’ve supported you, affirmed you, and celebrated you for who you are, it becomes so much more than a legal moment. It becomes a tapestry of love, chosen and cherished.

Let’s Celebrate Your Story

Planning a ceremony that feels truly you? I’d love to help craft something joyful, warm, and inclusive. Whether you’re bringing together your chosen family, your community, or your cat and your flatmate, let’s create a celebration that reflects your heart. Drop me a line on [email protected] or book a chat into my diary here – and let’s make something magical together.