What makes a good death?
As we mark the death of Queen Elizabeth II, I, like many other people, whether royalist or republican, hope that she had a good death.
We know that Queen Elizabeth had a long, interesting and fulfilling life, which like all of us had its joys and challenges, but did she have a good death, and what do we mean by that phrase?
Having had the honour of being with a family friend on their final day and being the person that organised medical care, spiritual care, and notifying the family so they could be with their parent, I’ve seen what I think is a good death.
Our friend was in their 90s, had had a long and fulfilling life and through their faith was ready to move onto the next stage of their spiritual journey. As someone who has no religious faith I was humbled by the power and comfort of their faith during what we are told is a time to be feared.
Is this a good death? To have lived and reach the end of your path, to have had all the conversations you need and want to have, and to be ready to stop being. To have your chosen people with you as you go. To be in comfort and ease rather than pain and distress. I think so.
Sadly the ideal isn’t always possible. The end of life might come quickly and unexpectedly, there might be obstacles in the way of loved ones being together, there might be pain and regret.
I believe in dignity in death and the importance of creating a good end of life experience, for both the person and the family and friends. But more than that I believe in remembering the life rather than the death. A good death makes it easier to remember life, a traumatic death makes it imperative.
Once our loved one has gone, death doesn’t linger for them, we should do our best to ensure the same is true for the living. After death we continue to live, we may not be able to celebrate or feel joy yet, but we will and a part of that joy should be our love and memories of the deceased.
If you are struggling with the passing of a loved one, I wish you a calm weekend with time to reflect and perhaps a moment of joy or two and leave you with this quote for Queen Elizabeth.
